BERT2011 (Bugger, Estrogen Receptive Tumor)….

Metastic breast cancer at 38

Pre op check day

In for my pre-op checks today… Feeling ok at the moment.. Will be glad when this morning is over then I can forget about all this for a couple of weeks and enjoy our wedding day on Saturday and our honeymoon !! Can’t wait!

Not majorly sure what to expect today, more bloods, blood pressure etc but hope nothing else too scary..

Feel fine in myself at the mo, it’s weird sometimes I almost forget I have cancer… Went to buy some very unsexy pjs yesterday ready for my operation! Poor Andy first few weeks of marriage and he will most likely see me at my worst!

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Eggs

Another early start for us this morning, 9am appointment for us at the children’s hospital to discuss my ‘fertility options’ post chemo…. Feeling a little un-nerved about this as I think this will involve self injections followed by key hole surgery… I asked why this couldnt be done during my lumpectomy operation… Apparently…. Politics!!!!! Aggghhhhhhh

I really don’t think hospitals ( and apologies to my nurse friends!!) understand the fear some people have of constant needles and operations why can they not try to amalgamate them to lower their patients stress.??

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The mission should you choose to accept it…

…. Operation remove Bert!!!

Operation date now booked, I’ll be going in on the 11th of October to have a lumpectomy and a sentinel node biopsy… MRI results came back today as clear ( apart from Bert) so that’s promising news, crossing all my fiingers that it is not in my lymph nodes..

Back to work today… Stunned really work (CSC) have been amazing and so supportive… It’s going to be very weird to not go to work.. Been working since I was 15 so the prospect of not doing for 6 months is entirely odd..

Looking forward to our wedding now, hopefully just 2 more nasty hospital appointments before the big day… I do find it hard that they keep having to take blood samples, can’t they do it once and test everything!!!

Got to have eggs taken too, keyhole surgery for that apparently, not looking forwards to that!!

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Emotional rollercoaster

Life really is an emotional roller coaster at the moment.. Putting on a brave face to the world one minute, trying to think about the wedding and look forward to that …. Then reading all the lovely comments that people have sent me on facebook… Cried this morning at those… Never realised people ever read what I put!!!

Scared this morning… The thought of that operation is really freaking me out…

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Normal life for a few days

It’s so nice today to just be able to kid myself that’d nothings wrong and normal life has resumed.. To not have to go to the hospital is such s relief..

Picked up an iPad to take with me whilst in hosp and on chemo… Ok so I used this as an excuse.. But I do think it might keep me sane.. Sitting in the hops for 4 hours yest was dreadful.. Poor Andy..

I feel so sorry for him, wasn’t exactly how we planned to start our first year of marriage.. He must be so fed up about it… All credit tho he’s been amazing.. Xxx

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This week I’ll be known as the human Guinea pig

Day 2 of Cancer.. Had a 2 hour meeting today with my breast care nurse, Ann… She will be with me now all the way through… Thankfully she’s very patient as Andy and I fired questions at her like a tank!! After having woken up that day with a more positive attitude I was confident ” I can beat this”…. A few hours later reality kicked in!! I don’t think I had quite comprehended what was in store for me and Andy and I had thought this was something that I could get through in a couple of months and life would go back to normal… I realised quickly this isn’t going to be the case….

First step for me is a lumpectomy, where they will operate and remove the lump plus some surrounding tissue… Alongside this they will conduct a sentinel node biopsy on my lymph nodes… Here’s where I start praying as if they find these clear then I am in a good position and they won’t have to remove them…. Just typing this frightens me as I know I won’t be that lucky…

Surgery recovery is scarying me, I’m a wimp at the best of times and from what I can understand I’ll be useless for a while .. I’m so used to being self sufficient I’m really going to find this hard… I guess my body will decide for me :-(… We’ll have possible 3 week wait then for the pathology reports to come back…

Most likely I’ll then be in for 6 treatments ( treatment.. Ha what a laugh.. Treat has nothing to do with it!!) of chemotherapy, 1 every 3 weeks… 18 weeks of he’ll isn’t that going to be fun!! No hair and feeling like crap.. Looking forwards to that then!

Then after a 3-4 week break I’ll start the radiotherapy .. Can’t be worse thatn chemo I guess.. Can it?

Well that was day 2… Reality hit hard…

Day 3 … Time for more tests.. So far.. Ultrasound, mammogram, biopsy.. Now it’s time for an MRI… Let’s hope this gives them a good picture of Bert ( our pet name for my tumour) in order to get rid!!

8am.. Rotherham hospital.. Canula fitted and bloods took to check my kidney function … Wow these needles don’t get any easier… Had to ask for the canula to be covered over ax the nausea comes every time I catch sight of it … Hooe this gets easier to handle or chemo is going to be hell!! Finally then at 11:45 I go in for the MRI .. Wow very noisy and uncomfortable.. Face down .. 35 mins of random noises and all done… Maybe I can handle this that was bearable

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Breast Cancer @35 … here starts the journey

On monday 29th of august my scary journey with cancer began… Finding a lump that night laid in bed meant the first of many sleepless nights to come…with a family history of breast cancer you can imagine I lay awake with every possible scenario running through my head..

One appointment later at the breast clinic and I found myself even more scared… Expecting to go to the clinic to be told I was over-reacting and that I was too young and it was just hormones I suddenly found myself undergoing an ultrasound test to look at the lump…. Then when the doctor said straight away “we need to biopsy this” … My heart started pounding and the serious sweating began…

With a dreadful fear of needles, blood, pain and generally anything which punctures my skin I managed to get myself in quite a state at the prospect of a biopsy… They took two core needle samples there an then under a local anaesthetic… I won’t lie this was really quite painful ( tho the next few days were worse!!) … One excruciating week later and my results are in…

“sorry to tell you Miss Thorpe but you have Breast Cancer”……..

So here starts my journey…. Laid awake in bed that night, not sleeping again I decided that in order to save myself going mad with all the thoughts going around in my head I would write a blog to “get it all out” as it were… So here we go….

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