BERT2011 (Bugger, Estrogen Receptive Tumor)….

Metastic breast cancer at 38

Grrr drains!!!

Still got the drain in.. Starting to drive me nuts now.. After a couple of days of feeling ok and trying to do stuff.. Gentle dusting etc… Realised that I can’t… Started leaking from the drain exit hole!!! The damn thing is so uncomfortable!! Keeps leaking and makes you feel unclean because the bandages are then dirty.. District nurse finally coming tomorrow, week on!

Will be so much better when it’s out and things can start to heal…

Feeling cheesed off with it today!!!


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3days after op..

Sometimes I sit here looking at the curser wondering where to start! It’s hard to know what to write about first..

To all my friends and family.. I’m doing ok.. Don’t worry… Thankyou for your ongoing support.. Xxx

Dont know if it’s still the anaesthetic drugs in my system or not .. Doubt it has it been more than 48hours… But still feeling a little emotional after this op… Have given myself a severe kick up the arse today as the last couple of days have felt a little sorry for myself… Also when I was laid in bed last night my arm was throbbing and had slight pins and needles in my hand… Which made me realise that if I want to be back to normal I have to force myself to do the exercises they’ve given me and grit through the pain of it… As I AM NOT going to have a useless arm for the rest of my life!!!… Besides.. Who wants to be keggy handed! Lol:-)

So pain killers in I’ve done the first set of my exercises today and also pottered around the house.. I can manage about 30 mins before I have too sit down for a bit… Pain makes you feel sick but must be done..

My right arm and underarm feels extremely weird.. Very hard to explain but it feels like I could just tuck it across my body and leave it there without moving it and I’m having to consciously think “move your arm!” and when I do it feels as though someone else has got hold of it to move it… Very very odd

Does make me wonder how many nerves etc have been cut this time… I certainly do have the lower arm numbness that I discovered through my research.. Almost feel like I’ve been lifting some serious weights and have majorly overdone it..

Keep having a few tears in the morning getting ready, frustration I think more than anything.. Gets easier each day though so I just focus on that..

I do hope that this blog helps anyone who may be about to go through this as I myself find that the scariest part of all this is the unknown..

Hmmm my thoughts are obviously a little disjointed today as I’m jumping around all over the place:-)

Waiting for the nurse to ring me today to discuss my drain.. Had 400ml in the bag yesterday, around 200 today so far, so it seems to be slowing.. Think I’ll be stuck with it for the weekend though… Have to laugh at my little carry around bag!! Nervous about it coming out… Which is worse in or having taken out!?!?!? One for laying down I think definitely!

Christmas is fast approaching… I love this time of year.. But have to admit that this year the thought of chemo is looming over me somewhat.. Again I think it’s more because I don’t know what to expect.. I know what you read about but as everyone’s different I don’t want to scare myself reading up about it too much first..

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Surgery – round 2

Well it’s 5am and I’ve now been up for 2hours!! Had my second surgery yesterday to remove upto level 3 lymph nodes…
Even though I was told it was going to be an overnight stay when we turned up at hospital yesterday morning we were informed that there were no beds available and id be coming home that day…

So surgery prep began.. Usual faff with 10 million forms etc, asked for the emla cream again to numb the areas where they may put a canula… Thank goodness Susie (my friend who’s a nurse) ,told me about this as they don’t offer as std and usually only give to children… Yes I’m a big wimp! But it does help.

Had a different anaesthetist this time, and she put me on different anaesthetic drugs.. Have to say they were much worse than previously.. Had a premed tablet too which I didn’t have last time… Whilst in recovery these drugs took a LOT more getting over than what I had for the first op.. Felt sick and really struggled to wake up…

Have to say when I’d been sat in recovery for several hours and the other day patients had long gone home I did have to question in my mind how wise it was to send me home.. Had to sit down just after getting out of the bed as I was dizzy.. Yet half an hour later I’m being sent home..

I have a drain in this time… Have to say really not liking it!! It comes out from behind my armpit towards my back, is then attached to my side via tape and a padded gauze in a loop then drops away from my body to clamp then vacuum type bag, then another clamp and then a drainage bag… Ever so often I have to release one clamp and drain the vacuum… It’s getting a little heavy so has to be carried around otherwise it pulls at the exit point… Have to have this in for around 5 days now… Be glad to see the back of it already and it’s not even been 24 hours yet!!

I think it’s going to be a long few days over the next few days, pain is worse than last time but still only on diclofenic and cocodamol.. Had to ask for more morphine whilst I was in hosp..

Very tired this morning but cannot seem to get comfy to sleep, even after painkillers there is still the dull ache.. Feeling a little sick still too… But that could be because I’ve just emptied the drain! I really am pathetic!!

Feel like I’m permanently saying sorry over the last day or so… Sorry to the nurses as I feel like a pain because of my needle phobia.. Sorry to Andy that I keep him awake, or I’m constantly asking him for something.. I hate feeling this useless!!!

Also nearly forgot… Come home with the canula in so that I don’t have to have another put in tomorrow.. Got to back to hosp in afternoon for a ct scan… It’s ok but will be glad when it’s out!

    IVF News

      Well period still not arrived so cannot yet begin the IVF treatment.. Having read through my tamoxifen table instructions again I came across the line “may interrupt periods” … Great why didn’t the doctor mention this when they know I cannot start IVF till I have a cycle… Grrr very frustrating… They have now told me to stop taking them for a month… This means that most likely chemo will now be delayed again!

      Sorry… Seems like a whinging blog today peeps..

      Will kick myself for more positivity tomorrow 😉


Surgery postpone… Wigs.. And stitches

So my surgery yesterday got postponed, I’ve caught a cold and the anaesthetist decided it was too risky… So our 6am early start was for nothing :-)… Back in next tues for 7:15 for hopefully the last operation

Will be stopping in overnight next tues, oh what joy! Oh well at least it will help with loosing the honeymoon pounds as the food leaves a lot to be desired… Having a ct scan on the Wednesday which I’m pleased about as it would be good to know how the rest of my body has been affected..

Made enquiries today with my breast care nurse about wigs.. I cannot do the scarf thing!!! Been referred to a place in Sheffield so going to go up and have a nosy… Woweee though real hair wigs are expensive!! Talking around £500 ouch! …

One of the stitches from the lump removal area (breast) has finally come out today… Well I caught it on the towel!! Ouch must admit made my toes curl somewhat… Pleased though now as it was a little red and obviously ready for out.. Hopefully this can finish healing now.. Bit concerned that the breat tissue still feels pretty hard but it’s still yellow so hoping this is still just bruising.

Chemo is tentative due to start mid December… Going to try to use something called the freezing cap to try and keep my hair.. I understand this involves sitting with a frozen cap on my head before, during and after chemo… Supposed to be fairly uncomfortable and gives you a wicked headache but I’m determined to try it..

Isn’t it sad how much us women worry about what we look like!

Well enough for today… Thankyou so much to everyone who is contacting me with words of support. It means so much and often brings a tear to my eye,

Jane x

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Results day

Nervous today… Got the initial results last week.. Now to discuss with the surgeon and oncologist today…. Will update more later 😦

Ok so just got back from my consultation… Good news first… I have clear ( negative) margins around where the lump was so Bert is gone, to mean no more breast surgery

Bad news…. 4 of the 5 lymph nodes that that took to test contained cancerous cells so now the surgeon is going to go back in and remove all the required lymph nodes into level 3, this is the remaining ones in my armpit, above my breast and upto my clavicle…

Going in for surgery on Monday 7th of November at 7:15am… Will be pretty brutal I believe this time and I’ll have to have a drain in for 5 days. Which will have to go through my skin down my body … Joy!!!!

Chemo and radiotherapy have both been confirmed so I’ll be starting these post surgery and ivf…

May write more tomorrow… Current feeling I’m crossed between anger and upset… 🙂