BERT2011 (Bugger, Estrogen Receptive Tumor)….

Metastic breast cancer at 38

A tough day

on December 25, 2014

I’m sorry all I’ve not posted for a while.. Truth being I’ve been so busy trying to get the house ready so I could move in for xmas that everything else has fell by the wayside.

First things first health update.. I went for a CT scan last week to see if the Chemo is working, I’m hoping i may the results next week.. All being well it’s working and I will have 3 more sessions of chemo, so far the new cooling cap is working and though thin I still have my hair!…

Health update complete I move to my reason for writing tonight…

Today’s a very hard day…

Today reality has hit hard that I am alone.. I will never experience the joy of having children and what christmas brings for them.. I will never get to spoil my own kids.
This year I’ve found the man I married will not be my forever man, I’ve found out me life will not be a long one and the remaining years I have will be alone.. So today it’s hit hard and I’m struggling..
Tomorrows a new day… I hope

People tell me I’m brave… But today.. The brave face has slipped… Today I just want to be over

10 responses to “A tough day

  1. Julie Springer says:

    My dear Cousin , there is nothing I can say that will make it any different. But there is always hope and sometimes love can be just round the corner. You will never be alone as you have all your family and friends. We will always be here for you morning noon and night . Stay strong , I know its easy to say but our loving arms are around you. All my love always. J XXXX


  2. Chris Ellison says:

    Tomorrow is a new day though Jane and you have lots of family and friends who treasure spending time with you x


  3. Rebekah crawford says:

    Jane you just never know what may happen. Lots of positive hugs xxx


  4. Jim & Margaret says:

    Hello Jane our thoughts are with you at this sad time.Our door is always open if you need a cuddle.Hope all goes well in the New Year.
    Thinking of you Jim and Margaret.


  5. Claire Gurney says:

    Oh Jane, you are not a quitter x life has deal you a tough hand but you are a fighter – we are all there for you – every one of us x


  6. Sarah says:

    Hope you’re feeling much stronger today, thinking of you and sending you lots of love. xxxxxx


  7. Sonia says:

    Hi Jane, I found your blog when I was first diagnosed in May 2014. My heart goes out to you for the awful things you have had to deal with. I had a high risk stage 3 with +ve nodes and. I’ve done the mast’ chemo’ and just finished rads. I have travelled some of the same roads you have been on.
    I just wanted you to know that reading your blog helped me prepare for and get through treatments. It also helped my husband understand the deeper worries and concerns of a person diagnosed with breast cancer. That there is hope but no definitive cure. That there is no rhyme or reason or fairness to this disease and there are so many women who live everyday feeling like an unexploded bomb. If and when we go off, we hurt the ones closest to us.

    I needed more than the booklets and vague and indirect answers from the doctors and I thank you for your honesty and for posting even when you found it hard.
    With love and my very best wishes



    • loopynutter says:

      Wow Thankyou Sonia for your post.. I thought only my family and friends read my random ramblings.. It means a lot that this has helped you and I wish you all the best with you’re treatment.. Keep fighting x


  8. Maxine says:

    I could not possibly hope to understand everything that you are going through. My heart breaks for you and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. What I can say is don’t let what Andy has done taint your life, he’s not worth that. Love comes to us when we least expect it. Not all men are assholes. Your forever man is out there and you will meet him when the time is right. I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Xxxx


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