BERT2011 (Bugger, Estrogen Receptive Tumor)….

Metastic breast cancer at 38

A tough day

I’m sorry all I’ve not posted for a while.. Truth being I’ve been so busy trying to get the house ready so I could move in for xmas that everything else has fell by the wayside.

First things first health update.. I went for a CT scan last week to see if the Chemo is working, I’m hoping i may the results next week.. All being well it’s working and I will have 3 more sessions of chemo, so far the new cooling cap is working and though thin I still have my hair!…

Health update complete I move to my reason for writing tonight…

Today’s a very hard day…

Today reality has hit hard that I am alone.. I will never experience the joy of having children and what christmas brings for them.. I will never get to spoil my own kids.
This year I’ve found the man I married will not be my forever man, I’ve found out me life will not be a long one and the remaining years I have will be alone.. So today it’s hit hard and I’m struggling..
Tomorrows a new day… I hope

People tell me I’m brave… But today.. The brave face has slipped… Today I just want to be over

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“Here we go again, on my own” (white snake lyrics )

It’s been a long time since my last “confession”.. Post apologies everyone I have been ridiculously busy building my own home… Literally.

For those who don’t know me I’ll begin today with a quick recap, but ultimately today’s post is to give an update to my friends and family on my current health and treatment.

2011 – diagnosed stage 2 breast cancer
2011 got married
2012 – IVF
2012- chemo
2012 -bought a bungalow to demolish and full a life’s dream of building my own home and try and put cancer behind me
2013 – fell down broke my hip – total hip replacement
2013 – found out hip was week due to a tumour… Breast cancer had Metastasised to my bones… Stage 4 cancer (Incurable)

Which brings 2014… Big year this year.

Demolished bungalow, began building… Separated from husband, getting divorced..
started Hormone treatment for cancer, failed, stared clinical trial failed…

Next Friday.. I will start Chemotherapy again.

So… here we go again.. This time on my own.. 😥… Hopefully with the help of my family and friends… But certainly if you’d have asked me 3 years ago where I’d be right now this is Not what I had in mind!!

The details… I will go for my first Chemo next Friday. And current assumption 6 lots once every 3 weeks as before.. I will loose my hair AGAIN!! My chemo this time is Taxotere, it will be given intravenously and I’ll most likely require steroids with it too… Pretty scared that this will make me look bloated.

How to I feel ?…. PISSED OFF!!!, scared.. Chemo has come 12 months early than I was anticipating.. Scared that this means my life is shorter. Upset that I will loose my hair again.. It’s really shit loosing your hair I won’t lie.

I can write no more to you all today as I now can’t see the screen for tears… But I promise I’ll be back soon… the Thorpey MOJO has been challenged this week and I need a few days to get back on track…

be right back peeps xxxx

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Overdue update

Apologies, it has been a long time since my last confession 😃…. I’ve been so busy of late building the house that I’ve not had a spare minute to update my blog.. I’ve also been hanging on for some results that I’ve had back today.

So a few weeks ago I started with a back pain that just wasn’t going away, after emailing The Prof he suggested I came in for some tests.. Had a full Bone Density scan which through up some areas of concern, one in the top of my spine and one in my pelvis.. The area of back pain however was clear. They sent for another CT to get a better look at these areas and they have thankfully come back as clear today.. The areas in the bone scan were showing as areas of Acitivity, however this was not bone degradation but thankfully on this occasion bone healing, which means the Denusomab injections I have every 4 weeks are doing their job and strengthening my bones.
There was however a down side… Isn’t there always!… The Anomalie that’s been seen before in my liver has grown, we were hoping this was just a blood vessel, but now it’s not certain and I’m going for another MRI to have a closer look.. If it’s grown and is a tumour this may mean I need to change drugs which is not great, but hopefully will find out in a couple of weeks.

For those reading my blog for awareness… The Letrozole is making my joints in my hands very still, how I would imagine arthritis feels.. Worse 1st thing in the morning.. Once I get moving I’m ok… Feet sometimes too.. Like an old woman! Hey oh it’s a small price to pay.

House… It’s coming along fantastic, so so pleased with it.. Hoping to get water tight within the next month! Picture attached.

Keep smiling all, and every sunshiny day is another day I’ve had 🙂

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Them bones, them bones, them thigh bones!

🎉🎉 Happy New Year!!🎉🎉 everyone, I hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season.

We’ve had a very busy holidays, with parties and catching up with friends, marred only slightly by trips to the hospital for my radiotherapy. However this does mean than I now only have…. Drum roll please… 2 more radio sessions left woohoo… On the down side I’m am feeling more tired, I couldn’t figure out why the other day and put it down to “too many parties” but as Andy reminded me the last time I had radio I had, a little and often (25 sessions) this time I’m having fewer session but a stronger dose.. 10 sessions.. So I guess it kinda makes sense that I’m tired at an earlier rate. Oh well. Nice to be on the home straight.

In other news.. I’ve been to see the orthopaedic surgeon this week ( well his registrar ) and they’ve signed me off to drive, which is such a relief!! In the words of George Michael “FREEDOM!” , it’s so so nice to have my independence back. The registrar also showed me my after op scan.. It’s truly amazing!!

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The only other bits of news I have is I now have my first appointment booked to see the gynaecologist to have my ovaries removed… So hopefully 1 more surgery and I’ll be done for the moment and then normal life can resume for a while.

Hip-wise, physio is going well but I can only admit that I’ve been a tad lazy with it over Xmas, so time to kick start again now.

That’s all for now folks.. Enjoy the new year, and live every day to the fullest xx

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