BERT2011 (Bugger, Estrogen Receptive Tumor)….

Metastic breast cancer at 38

“Here we go again, on my own” (white snake lyrics )

It’s been a long time since my last “confession”.. Post apologies everyone I have been ridiculously busy building my own home… Literally.

For those who don’t know me I’ll begin today with a quick recap, but ultimately today’s post is to give an update to my friends and family on my current health and treatment.

2011 – diagnosed stage 2 breast cancer
2011 got married
2012 – IVF
2012- chemo
2012 -bought a bungalow to demolish and full a life’s dream of building my own home and try and put cancer behind me
2013 – fell down broke my hip – total hip replacement
2013 – found out hip was week due to a tumour… Breast cancer had Metastasised to my bones… Stage 4 cancer (Incurable)

Which brings 2014… Big year this year.

Demolished bungalow, began building… Separated from husband, getting divorced..
started Hormone treatment for cancer, failed, stared clinical trial failed…

Next Friday.. I will start Chemotherapy again.

So… here we go again.. This time on my own.. 😥… Hopefully with the help of my family and friends… But certainly if you’d have asked me 3 years ago where I’d be right now this is Not what I had in mind!!

The details… I will go for my first Chemo next Friday. And current assumption 6 lots once every 3 weeks as before.. I will loose my hair AGAIN!! My chemo this time is Taxotere, it will be given intravenously and I’ll most likely require steroids with it too… Pretty scared that this will make me look bloated.

How to I feel ?…. PISSED OFF!!!, scared.. Chemo has come 12 months early than I was anticipating.. Scared that this means my life is shorter. Upset that I will loose my hair again.. It’s really shit loosing your hair I won’t lie.

I can write no more to you all today as I now can’t see the screen for tears… But I promise I’ll be back soon… the Thorpey MOJO has been challenged this week and I need a few days to get back on track…

be right back peeps xxxx

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A new challenge

Good afternoon all! ..

Well it’s now 3.5 weeks since my last radiotherapy session and I’m back at work… It’s going ok so far.. Still hoping my brain still works!!

My eye lashes have grown back!!! I cannot explain how nice this is! And my hair is coming back… I now look like a boy! Photos to follow…

I have set myself a new challenge and I’m hoping that my followers on here will support me in some small way… On 2nd of September I will be running the Sheffield bupa 10k (6 miles!!!) run to raise money for the Weston park cancer research hospital where I was lucky enough to be treated.

http://www.wphcancercharity.org.uk/ take a look for more information…

As anyone who’s going through treatment or recently finished I hope you can understand that running 6 miles is going to be a fair effort so close after my treatment so I’m really hoping that I can raise some money to make it worth the effort…

Anyone who’d like to sponsor me can do so at http://www.justgiving.com/Jane-W

Please just £1, if all my friends did that we’d have a good amount… It doesn’t need to be a large amount every little bit helps..

Thankyou thankyou for reading and hopefully sponsoring me

Jane x

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Woohoo the fat lady has sung!!

The day has finally arrived!!!! My last day of treatment has now come and gone!!!! It’s hard to describe how I feel today…. Immensely elated at having finished treatment after 9.5 long hard months…. Now that it’s over I can say that… I’ve never wanted to moan or complain throughout my treatment as I think it just makes you feel worse and makes everyone else feel sorry for you, which was the last thing I wanted. But now that it’s over… Thank god!!!! Jeez it’s been tough, smiling when you don’t feel like it can get very wearying.

But now it’s done!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS it’s a wonderful wonderful feeling, no more traipsing to the hospital every day, not more thinking just another step to go, no more needles!!! No more hair loss ( hmm maybe selective hairloss would be nice!) … Huge smiles today.

There is one tiny part of me that’s scared today though… Whilst you are being treated its good, you can focus on ” it’s ok they are throwing everything at me, we are doing something” but now that’s it it’s slightly scary to think that apart from tamoxifen (estrogen blocking) tablets that that’s it… It’s the scary part of , is it gone? Will it come back?

But less about that and more about today… Going out for dinner tonight with my husband to celebrate, 🙂 Glad rags on!!!

I’d like to take this point to thank all my family and friends for their support throughout this journery… THANKYOU!!! Your kind words, thoughts and actions have meant the world to Andy and I and we humbley thank you from the bottom of our hearts..

A few important people to mention here….

Andy…. Babe it’s been a tough first year of marriage, you are my rock and I couldn’t have done this without you… Love you forever babe, only way is up xxx

Mum & Dad… Where to begin, thankyou thankyou for all the constant help, ironing, cooking, dog walking, trips to the hospital… You’ve been wonderful thankyou. x

Steph ( my mother in law) & Phil… You have really stood by us this last few months and I can’t tell you how thankful we are, trekking down to see us, taking me to chemo and just being there for us has been wonderful, thankyou x

Would also like to thank on mass the following…. Love you all and hopefully one day I can repay the favours….

Aunty Clare — the supply of home cooked meals has been too kind, and very much appreciated

Sarah, Alex, Kathy, Paul, Lorraine, Neil — for treating me as normal… And ignoring my upset at loosing my hair… The shaving party was great fun!

Emma D — so so very touched that this year when you have so so much on your plate you always found the time to come and see me to break up the day. Xxxx

Dan, — after years of not being in touch when the Sh*t hit the fan there you were popping in for a cuppa to brighten my day… Thankyou..

To all my overseas family, you know who you all are… I love you and thankyou so much for all the messaged and phone calls… Xxx

Erica… Thankyou for always being there, for taking me to lunch and just keeping me company… Can’t wait to be your bridemaid xxx

Anna…. Well what would I have done without you and your family for months!!! You, Henry Richard and Scarlett have kept me sane, the boredom of being at home all the time would’ve driven me nuts without our afternoon cuppas… Thankyou, will miss you terribly when we move.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten someone, thankyou everyone.

Ok so oscar speech over… 6 weeks till my next checkup now… So for now, thankyou and goodnight xx

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Its St George’s day and I’ve battled my dragon

Just come home from round 5 of
My chemo… Just the 1 more now and then 5 weeks of radio and I’m
On the home straight

Radios going to be a pain 5 days a week for 5 weeks!!! Yowzer

I’m a bit dazed now from the lorazepam so I’ll blog more tomorrow

Xc

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Rnd 4 all done!!! 2 to go

Well that’s 4 down now, really pleased… Went well yesterday no problems with anything, clinic was a bit behind schedule but all went well.

The district nurse has just been to give me my gcsf injection to boost my bone marrow to stimulate my white blood cells.. So that’s it now just recovery for 3 weeks then off we go again.

Feel ok today, bit tired as didn’t get much sleep last night… My face is doing its usual red flush thing.. Lasts about 2 days… Look like a tomato!!! Especially when I’ve got my baldy out.

Bizarrely my hair started growing back last week, but then fell out again on Sunday… Balding patches now..

Weathers taken a sorry turn so no sitting outside this week 😌… Nothing much planned this week rest and that’s about it.

Have a good week all, feel free to pop in for coffee anyone xx

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To shave or not to shave

Well if that title doesn’t create comments!! Lol

So I bought my wig the other day, and it’s fabulous!!! I love it, I just wish my own hair was so nice! … The only problem I’m having is .. Is that it’s great fun to buy the wig and to try it on but at some point very soon I have to make the decision to wear it for real, the reality of its not just a fancy dress wig that you get to take off at the end of the night and your own hair remains is proving something quite hard for me to get over…

I have said that I will shave off my own hair when it looks patchy… The question is how soon is this going to be and how will I handle it… My hair is thinning a lot this week, and even though it was in good condition now it most certainly is not! It’s dry and brittle and generally looks dreadful… Yet still I find myself unable to take the leap and shave off my hair…

After 2 surgeries, ivf, and now 2 doses of chemo the only thing that is actually going to make me feel like ive got cancer is losing my hair… How stupid is that!!

I’m annoyed at myself for being so vain about this, hair to a woman is such a huge thing though… I know it’s going.. I wash my hair and loads of it just comes out!! I hoovered my car out today ( smallest job but jeez very tiring!) and my head got so cold!!! Is this what it will be like when I’m old and my hair has thinned?? Have to say I do not like it one bit! Thanks but no thanks old age!

So the question still remains… When shall i shave off my hair?

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Wig day!!!

Well the time has come to buy my wig… At £430 it’s not a cheap buy but my hair has been steadily coming out since Monday, I still have enough to look ok but it’s so thin and lifeless I think it’s more depressing than having none… Getting my wig styled now as i type this… What an odd sensation to be having your hair cut without actually being sat in the chair!! My new hair is in a different room!!

Can’t quite bring myself to shave mine off yet so think I’ll prob just wear the wig in the house for a couple days to get used to it… Then I’m guessing within the next few days the time will come when it really goes and andy will have to take his hair cutters to my head…

So photos shortly!!

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